High Ramblings about Desires

Source: Urban Dictionary: Pilot Jones

 

I want a house in the mountains. Honestly, I don’t care if it is in the Rockies or the Appalachians, or even if it is out of this country. I just want to wake up, overcast sky, occasional rain showers, poor a cup of coffee spiked with Kho Loui or rum, smoke a blunt or joint or two. Sit at my desk, laptop out, mountains and trees gazing at me through the window directly behind the desk, cigarette hanging from my mouth, and start writing. I want to be a writer, I want my career to be as an author. I want to be paid to sit at my desk in the mountains all day and just enter another world. Don’t get me wrong, there is so much on this planet I want to experience, I want to see everywhere, I thirst for adventure and journeys. But I also have my head in the clouds. I want to see all these places so I can use them in stories. I want to feel all these emotions so I can transmit them to paper in my house in the mountains.

 

-High Ramblings of a Stoner

Advertisements

High Ramblings about Home

I never really had a home. Not a birthplace where I can say I grew up, not even an actual house where I spent enough time for me to consider it home. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t have a specific place where I associate enough crucial memories for me to consider it home. My home would be spread out over dozens of places. By the way, I’m a military brat who has moved at least every four years since I was born.

I don’t ever picture myself having a home. I was born a wanderer, and I feel like that’s how I’ll stay.

Though if I were to ever settle in an area, you know pick a place where I want to die, then I guess the type of house I’d want would be a three bedroom small house. That way I could have an art studio and a study. Or I guess maybe a two bedroom with a basement or attic. Or a one bedroom with both. All I know is home is where I have everything I need to live in a particular place for more than five years.

But will I ever find a place like that? Where my restless spirit can finally find peace? I don’t know. I may just spend my entire life traveling, moving every five years till I’m too old and sick to move anymore.

Who knows what my future holds but it’ll work out. As long as I go through life with good intentions, then I should find peace and happiness. I don’t know in what form it’ll take, but as long as I thirst for a rememberable life and make moves to accomplish it, then I can die content.

 

-High Ramblings of a Stoner

High Ramblings about Goals and Traveling

I have wanderlust. I thirst for the world, for everything in it and a part of it. From the beautiful landscapes to the cultures to even the minuscule people and their insignificant ideologies. While I use the words “minuscule” and “insignificant”, I really only mean that in the grand scheme of things. What do we matter to the universe? To life? It will go on. It went on before us and it will go on after us. But we as people will not. So we only truly live, if not even in memories but love, as long as the human race exists. But that is something extraordinary. Even though we don’t matter, the universe matters to us. Everything in it the laws the beings and celestial bodies inhabiting it have some kind of influence over us, us who is almost completely useless. If anything deserves or worship it is this beautiful universe we live in.

But I digress. As I was saying, I have wanderlust. I thirst for this world we live in, for the above reasons listed. I am hungry for it and have actually satisfied a nice amount of it. I’ve seen quite a bit of the US, even the most beautiful parts of Alaska. But there are some places I haven’t been, and those are my goals. I want to see every glorious landmark of the US. Anything of even minute importance to the people who dwell in this country. However, I have been stuck in this particular part of the US for longer than I’d want. It’s been 5 years and I’m still here. I can’t do this anymore. By this time next year, I will be somewhere else. If not out of the country, then at least somewhere new to me. Somewhere where I can get the much-needed experiences I crave.

But I won’t stop there. I want to be somewhere else in the next four or five years from there. I want to continue to move, as in live in different areas of this beautiful world. But while I’m doing that I also want to travel to different more unique places on the side. Places that I could not easily live. But visit there for weeks or days or even just hours at a time.

And why can’t I do just this? If I have the motivation, the willpower, I will find a way to do this. But that’s the problem, do I have the strength or am I too lazy.

I suffer from bipolar disorder and am prone to dark depressed episodes where suicide becomes the only answer. Can I possibly fight through this darkness? Or is that just an excuse. Am I using different things in my life as excuses to stay where I am? Not anymore. I can’t live like that. I have to take control of my life. Shit, this turned into a diary entry. Sorry about that to the internet (since I have very few to no followers).

-high ramblings of a stoner