I have wanderlust. I thirst for the world, for everything in it and a part of it. From the beautiful landscapes to the cultures to even the minuscule people and their insignificant ideologies. While I use the words “minuscule” and “insignificant”, I really only mean that in the grand scheme of things. What do we matter to the universe? To life? It will go on. It went on before us and it will go on after us. But we as people will not. So we only truly live, if not even in memories but love, as long as the human race exists. But that is something extraordinary. Even though we don’t matter, the universe matters to us. Everything in it the laws the beings and celestial bodies inhabiting it have some kind of influence over us, us who is almost completely useless. If anything deserves or worship it is this beautiful universe we live in.
But I digress. As I was saying, I have wanderlust. I thirst for this world we live in, for the above reasons listed. I am hungry for it and have actually satisfied a nice amount of it. I’ve seen quite a bit of the US, even the most beautiful parts of Alaska. But there are some places I haven’t been, and those are my goals. I want to see every glorious landmark of the US. Anything of even minute importance to the people who dwell in this country. However, I have been stuck in this particular part of the US for longer than I’d want. It’s been 5 years and I’m still here. I can’t do this anymore. By this time next year, I will be somewhere else. If not out of the country, then at least somewhere new to me. Somewhere where I can get the much-needed experiences I crave.
But I won’t stop there. I want to be somewhere else in the next four or five years from there. I want to continue to move, as in live in different areas of this beautiful world. But while I’m doing that I also want to travel to different more unique places on the side. Places that I could not easily live. But visit there for weeks or days or even just hours at a time.
And why can’t I do just this? If I have the motivation, the willpower, I will find a way to do this. But that’s the problem, do I have the strength or am I too lazy.
I suffer from bipolar disorder and am prone to dark depressed episodes where suicide becomes the only answer. Can I possibly fight through this darkness? Or is that just an excuse. Am I using different things in my life as excuses to stay where I am? Not anymore. I can’t live like that. I have to take control of my life. Shit, this turned into a diary entry. Sorry about that to the internet (since I have very few to no followers).
-high ramblings of a stoner