High Ramblings about Relationships

I don’t think I ever want to be in a relationship, or fall in love or anything like that cause I’m afraid what that will turn me into. I already have a hard enough time not being a piece of shit person and friend, like in a relationship? I’d either be a complete piece of shit or a complete psycho. I don’t know. I just feel like, I don’t know man.
Like I already have a hard enough time maintaining relationships with friends. But like, with a significant other? One of us would go psycho making the other life a living hell for the other.
Plus, honestly, I don’t like people too terribly much. Like, I haven’t had an actual crush on anyone in a while. A few years at least. I just, maybe I’ve had slight infatuations or something, but like dudes, I can’t.

-high ramblings of a stoner

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High Ramblings about Aliens

So I just realized I am terrified of aliens. I have no idea why. The fear is somewhat akin to the fear I have of dinosaurs (read about that in my earlier post about fears).
See I am someone who rarely has nightmares. I can remember a handful of dreams that have inspired abject terror in me: one with a jazz musician, one with a doll house, a bunch with dinosaurs (of course), and fucking aliens.
I don’t know, there’s this quote that says that either we’re alone in the universe or we aren’t, and either option is truly terrifying. Those aren’t the exact words, but that’s the gist. And boy, how I relate to that shit.
The universe is so big, I mean, is it really possible that we are the only life forms?
We can’t be. And that is kind of scary. The bing bang supposedly happened 7 billion years ago, or something like that, and it took around 200,000 years for mankind to have advanced so far.
That isn’t even 1/7 of the amount of time the universe as we know it has existed.
What if another planet got the recipe for intelligence and sentient life right in the first billion years? Or two billion? Or three billion? Or even four?
Either way, it is possible that intelligent life as we define it exists some where else out there, and they could possibly have a really big heads start.
I don’t know why I fear aliens, I mean, whose to say that they are like humans?
If we are the epitome of intelligent life then I fear for the universe.
But I mean, while chimpanzees are violent and territorially, their cousins, bonobos, are much more loving and kind.

-high ramblings of a stoner

High Ramblings about Age

What’s it like to be old?
What’s it like to have so much experience?
What’s it like to have lived for decades?
At the moment, I am not even two decades yet. Not until next month anyways. And I already feel like I’ve come so far. I feel like my life could end now and I’ve experienced enough.
But what is it like to gain decades worth of experiences?
What’s it like to have learned so much?
Not necessarily things that involve school learning, but what’s it like to be human for so long?
At times, I find myself thinking about the past, wishing I would have known then what I know now.
Will I feel like that in the future as well?
That odd almost regret. Not a powerful one, but like you know, a subtle regret.
Or will I understand that the reason I know so much then, is because of all the experiences I have in the past?
Who will I be?
What will I have accomplished, if anything?
Will I be who I want to be?
Will I not like who I became?
How much will I have lost?
How much willI I have gained?
For the first time in my life I actually am looking forward to the future. I used to shy away from it. I used to fear it. I used to dread it.
But now?
Now I greet it warmly with open hands.
I’ve finally had my change of heart.

-high ramblings of a stoner