High Ramblings about Sadness

“Since our childhood, we have carried fatal wounds disguised as fatal flaws.”

-unknown

It’s funny, I read somewhere that you should never let someone make you feel like you’re hard to love.

But that’s how almost everyone who I give a shit about in my life, make it out to seem. In their eyes, I am a piece of shit. They have told me this cleverly disguised as advice, or caring concern. When honestly, if they could pick the easy way out, they would choose not to love me, but everyone is under the illusion that they have obligations to each other, when honestly, we rarely if ever owe anyone shit. And even if we do owe someone something, the only force behind that obligation is our own moral standards.

Nothing in life is obligatory, not even love.

So is that even real love? Love only felt because of obligation? Love only felt because we have the most basic of human connections. Love only felt because of duty?

I don’t want it.

If you feel as if you’re under obligation to love me, then just don’t. I will gladly remove myself from your life, and honestly, I will barely feel a shred of loss.

Cause I am a piece of shit.

And unlike everyone else in my life, I at least admit to it.

As a matter of fact, there are parts of me that are messy, sloppy, unhinged, eccentric, and bratty. But I love that part of me as much as any other part. I know without it, my character would be devoid of the shading that brings a picture to life.

And now I am going to apologize for my ring of recent blogs, I feel as if they have been kind of dark. I haven’t read through them yet, but I’ve just been in a melancholy mood so I feel as if my writing reflected it. Or maybe not. If so don’t pay attention to this last paragraph.

-high ramblings of a stoner

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High Ramblings about Relationships

I don’t think I ever want to be in a relationship, or fall in love or anything like that cause I’m afraid what that will turn me into. I already have a hard enough time not being a piece of shit person and friend, like in a relationship? I’d either be a complete piece of shit or a complete psycho. I don’t know. I just feel like, I don’t know man.
Like I already have a hard enough time maintaining relationships with friends. But like, with a significant other? One of us would go psycho making the other life a living hell for the other.
Plus, honestly, I don’t like people too terribly much. Like, I haven’t had an actual crush on anyone in a while. A few years at least. I just, maybe I’ve had slight infatuations or something, but like dudes, I can’t.

-high ramblings of a stoner

High Ramblings about Family

I don’t know. It’s weird when there are three kids. Well, I guess, not weird. But I bet someone can relate to this. Like when u have siblings, you get salty about little shit. Like passwords. So my parents use our names as passwords, as I’m sure some of u can relate to. So like my parents have two passwords and like for some reason they always use something related to my bro or my sis. I don’t have a password using anything related to me. So yeah, I know its petty silly and ridiculous, but I’m not afraid to say that I am salty about that shit.

-High Ramblings of a Stoner

High Ramblings about Love

“Love is a serious mental disease.”

-Plato

I feel like the major difference between romantic love and family love is that with family it is (most of the time) obligatory. Well, I guess not most of the time but for me obligatory. Everyone in my family, that I’ve seen so far, feels obligated to love anyone who is blood. But that’s not the kind of love that fills us up. Of course, we cannot be without it, but it is just that, a building block. But if we are so lucky to be born into that, then the final form of love that fills us up is the second kind of love, romantic or platonic, but not either or but both really. We need to have people in our life who choose to love us. Who feel like they have no obligation or debt, but who genuinely love us and aren’t afraid to go as far as they need to show us. We need to have courageous people in our lives who inspire us to be better. A lot of us need that kind of love, a role model of some sort. Whether that be a friend or a lover. We need that person in our lives. And if we are so lucky to find it may we hold onto that love and never let it go.

High ramblings of a stoner…